By Dr. Rug and Nived Coustom
Welcome to Winter!
How are our fastball friends doing as the cold months settle upon us and the daylight hours get as small as Rob’s strike zone? Have the doldrums fully settled in yet? Are you in need of a ray of sunshine? It’s been 4 years since I’ve had to endure a northern winter so you better believe that I am not prepared. I need any bit of help I can get to make it through the cold half of the year. Thankfully, the good doctor and his esteemed colleague, Mr. Coustom, are back to help you out with a bit of humour, some ill-informed insight, and thousands of words of distraction.
As you are all well aware, I usually focus my attention on the Yellowknife Fastball League as the target of my barbs and insights (although I have dabbled in the YKBA, the YKFL, and YK’s best all-around athletes in the past (sidenote: Pretty rude of _Edge to not give me any writing credit for that article. Ouch.)). The reason for my fastball focus is simple, I know the YK Fastball League inside and out. It’s been a part of my summers for about 3 decades now (4 decades if we include my batboy days) so providing commentary on the league happenings is second nature. However, as the temperature began to descend this October, and I prepared myself for hibernation, my good friend Nived proposed that we expand our circle of influence. “Why,” he asked, “should we limit ourselves to the YK Fastball League? There’s a whole wide world of wannabe athletes out there in Yellowknife that deserve our attention and ridicule.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is just one of the many reasons why Mr. Coustom is such a welcome addition to my column composition, he has brilliant ideas!
So today (and over the course of the next few weeks or months… update: months, definitely months) we’re expanding the Dr. Rug universe to include the entirety of Yellowknife recreational sports leagues (ok, maybe not the entirety but I draw the line at things like the Yellowknife Underwater Hockey League. I don’t know if that actually exists, and I’m not about to spend any time to find out). Nived and I may be ridiculously optimistic in undertaking this endeavour and, given the fact that our last combined column was in the neighbourhood of 10,000 words, you may be ridiculously optimistic in attempting to read this column. Nonetheless, we are going to give it our best effort, and I hope you give it your best effort to read it. And if you’re lucky we might even release this article in audiobook format or follow it up with a podcast for our reading challenged fans. If you’re not already too lost in my ramblings, you’re probably wondering, “How are you planning on expanding to the multiverse of the YK rec sports leagues, Dr. Rug?”
Well, thank you for your hypothetical question. It has provided me with the perfect opportunity to take an initial look at the theme and details for this column. Most importantly, the topic…
An Indisputable Ranking of Yellowknife’s Best Recreational Sports Leagues
That’s right, we’re going to examine all of the random sports leagues out there in this good town of ours and let you know, which are the best of the best. Consider it a Player Value Ranking column for the sports leagues. Now, obviously this is an obscenely vast undertaking so we will undoubtedly need a little more definition before we dive into the list. Feel free to jump right down to the first league on the list if you’re one of those people that cares not for the details. We won’t be offended, I promise.
Still here?
You’re either one of the few who cares about the details, you’re a family member wondering when the heck Mr. Coustom’s going to make an appearance in the column, or you’re working for the GNWT and need to kill another 3 hours before Donny Days. Regardless of which one is you, thank you for caring. Here are some more details on how we’ve compiled the list, how we’re ranking the leagues, and all the other minutiae that has gone into this column.
- We’ve included all the leagues within one sport under one ranking. This undertaking will be immense enough without having to differentiate between YK Rec Hockey, YK Women’s Hockey, YK Oldtimers Hockey, WIMPS, and any other hockey league that’s out there. For the sake of this column, Hockey includes all of the various hockey leagues (with the exception of the aforementioned Underwater Hockey League) and we’ll try to highlight the best and worst points of the various hockey leagues.
- An important caveat to this, Fastball and Slo-pitch are not the same sport. This is not up for debate.
- This is probably not an all-inclusive list, but it’s the leagues that Mr. Coustom and I are familiar with (or maybe “vaguely aware of” is more accurate in some cases).
- Some of the leagues we discuss may not actually exist anymore… but they were likely glorious during the time in which they did exist and therefore we felt they deserved mention and inclusion in our list.
- Mr. Coustom or myself have participated in the majority of these leagues, we have first hand knowledge of how most of them run, however, the rankings are based purely on fact, not our opinions.
- The facts that went into the rankings algorithm include: participation level, engagement, quality, social atmosphere, x-factor moments (i.e. moments that make you jump out of your seat in excitement), conflicts, and the jack*ss penalty (you’ll understand this last one better after the first couple of leagues that we analyze).
- The various sports leagues were graded in each of these categories and the results were fed into a specially developed algorithm designed to remove any external noise and deliver a scientifically accurate analysis. The results are presented to you here, they are indisputable. It’s math.
- Extensive research sessions went into the grading of the leagues in each category prior to feeding any info into the algorithm.
- We’re ranking adult recreational sports leagues here. Kids sports were not considered so no Junior NBA, no Timbits hockey, no Polar Bear Swim Club. I have no (acknowledged) kids and Nived’s child’s sporting activities consist of some basic (albeit exceptional) dance moves and some competitive eating so we don’t include the children in our writings.
- This column was written over the course of many months, so apologies if anything is repeated, inconsistent, or incomprehensible. Which brings us to the most important detail…
- Mr. Coustom and I are writing this so we get to make up the rules. That’s how it works. If you note any discrepancies or disagree with any of our logic in these rankings, too bad.
- Important addition to this detail: You are, however, welcome and encouraged to express your outrage or send your feedback to us at Dr_Rug@hotmail.com. If I get enough feedback we will definitely do a podcast to respond to your mail.
Well, even for Dr. Rug, that was way too long of an intro. And I haven’t even passed it over to you yet Mr. Coustom for your introduction. Given that this entire column was your idea I feel I should apologize for my longwindedness. But hey, it’s Yellowknife in the winter, we’ve got about 5,000 hours until the next YK Fastball game, in essence we’ve got nothing but time on our hands. So please Nived, take as long as you’d like for your intro to this fantastic column and we’ll go from there. Over to you…
Bonsoir, Dr. Rug.
It is quite thrilling to see the Doc regain that joyous, youthful, article-writing spark of artisticness that has been absent from the YK Fastball website for the past few years. Reading your intro put me right back into 2017 with your tournament previews and player-trade value rankings. The Doc is back, ladies and gentlemen. Make no mistake about it.
I am quite excited to be back in action for another article with you and enthralled at the process of this rankings list we have decided to take on. I appreciated your acquiescence on my proposal for ranking all YK Rec Sports Leagues, and I feel like this is going to be a spellbinding adventure. I do think this is a rankings list that will answer some questions our readers have. Winters in Yellowknife are long and daunting, and the rec sports scene presents athletes (and non-athletes) with ways to distract themselves for 7-ish months of the year until that snow melts and you don’t have to plug in your vehicle anymore. Except for the slush/mud season- nothing can distract you from that. It’s just awful.
Personally, I have participated in many of the leagues we will be ranking and I do find myself comparing leagues every now and again. Moreover, I have found myself advocating for the “best parts” of one league in other leagues. Comparing league schedules, fees, organization; it’s hard not to think about. Also, the culture between leagues is quite interesting. For example, it is not uncommon for players in the fastball league to share post-game beverages with their teammates, as well as the team they just played. In hockey, you share post-game beverages with your team only, and one wouldn’t DARE enter the opposing teams dressing room. The real mind-bending part of that is- the rec hockey league and fastball league are mostly comprised of the same players. Why the difference? How can some people hate each other for the duration of one rec league, then be teammates in another rec league? It doesn’t make sense, and I don’t know the answer. I do know though, that we will provide an answer to a different question that will hopefully light a fire in someone’s mind as we give them something to argue about. Speaking for myself, I have witnessed a handful of “the slo-pitch league is ‘better’ than the fastball league” arguments. What does it entail for one league to be ‘better’ than another league? How can that be measured? Surely it is just a matter of opinion, but what if it isn’t? What if there’s science behind this? We need to break it down. We need answers, the people need answers. GOD needs answers. We have to take our opinions out of this and get to the science. But first- as I know I may have triggered some readers with my examples- no, the slo-pitch league is not ‘better’ than the fastball league. If you don’t believe that, I will happily bring in the Fastball sourdough and you can try and debate slo-pitch being better than Fastball with none other than Mitch Madsen (vote for Mitch).
That’s where the Doc and I come in. We will go where the ordinary person won’t. We will do the digging that needs to be done, because if not us; then who? I am frothing at the mouth wanting to dive into these rankings. As they say in my home country, allons-y!
Thank you, Mr. Coustom, Or as they say in your home country, merci beaucoup! I am also excited for this journey of ours and know that we are without a doubt the right people to provide you, me, the people, and even God with the answers that are needed. We are the perfect combination of insight, knowledge, experience, and connections that is needed to track down all of the little details to be fed into the algorithm to come up with the irrefutable scientific truth. It may have taken us longer than initially expected, and our journey may have taken us to depths that are better left unmentioned, but at long last we have arrived at the truth. On that note, let’s not keep our devoted readers waiting any longer, it’s time to dive in.
Honourable Mention:
Bar Sports Leagues: I don’t want to face the wrath of Ricky Morrison and the ex-Hot Shots dart league members so I’ll stick clear of the debate on whether or not these are actual sports and leave it at this. Any league that takes place entirely within a bar is not making it on our list of best recreational sports leagues. Yes, I will acknowledge and do appreciate the fact that all recreational adult sports are really nothing more than an excuse to have some drinks with your friends, but for the sake of these rankings Mr. Coustom and I have decided that a “sport” in a bar doesn’t qualify. Obviously, all rules have exceptions, usually based on technicalities, in this case that exception is curling. Curling will make our list despite the obvious association that all curling, ever, since the beginning of time, has had with alcohol and in-house bars. In fact, I’m pretty certain that the first caveman ever to slide a rock across a patch of ice likely had a glass of mead in his hand (and he was probably a distant relative of the Koes). The technicality that exempts curling is that it feels more like the bars have latched themselves onto the curlers because some enterprising entrepreneur saw an obvious way to make a fortune. This is in stark contrast to some other bar leagues where it’s a bunch of drunks looking for something to pass the time so they set about creating a darts or pool league. Regardless, Bar Sports Leagues are universally fun and Yellowknife is no exception. Whether you’re shooting pool, throwing darts, or just answering some random trivia, there are plenty of enjoyable options out there in our town to gather with your friends for a night of camaraderie with a touch of sportingness included. They just don’t make our list.
With that out of the way, let’s dive into our top 15 list. Take it away Mr. Coustom, to begin with, which league is the bottom of the barrel?
T-14. Basketball:
Tied for the lowest spot in our rankings is the Yellowknife Basketball Association (YKBA). In some ways, I am quite surprised with where basketball ended up. However, for every reason I am surprised I have a reason why I am not surprised. Similarly, to other rec leagues in Yellowknife, the YKBA possesses a lot of highly skilled athletes. The best players in the YKBA have played solid college or university ball. There is no denying that this league has some pure ball players in its hands. This can make for some very entertaining games, and also some very non-entertaining games. The league currently has 5 teams in play (4 mens teams and 1 junior boys team), and historically the skill is spread across only 2-3 teams. This results in both sides of the entertainment spectrum (patent pending), some games falling in the category of “utter and complete blowout”, whereas other games fall in the category of “2013 NBA Playoffs Heat vs Spurs Game 6”. On a positive note, the YKBA’s league fees are quite affordable and you get a good bang for your buck as the season is good for 20-25 games. On a negative note, basketball is what I would consider an ‘ego’ sport with a lot of moments for potential alpha/beta outcomes (breaking ankles, stuffing someone, etc), and a chunk of YKBA players get caught up in this. Recently, most of these guys are all playing on the same team. While this can be entertaining, it can also be very frustrating. Coupled with the league facing referee issues over the years, and Bird being in the league; the YKBA unfortunately scrapes the bottom of the barrel in our rankings (mostly because Bird is in the league).
Fun Fact: One of the first jobs I ever had as a young Dr. Rug was scorekeeping for the Yellowknife Basketball League. Mr. Healy and I would scorekeep all the games in the league in the late 80’s/early 90’s, watching the legends of the league battle it our for hardcourt supremacy. We also learned the tricks of the trade, like how to stealthily take a couple minutes off the clock in a blow-out. It was a pretty good way to make a few extra bucks as a youngster who loved basketball. It also allowed me a first-hand look at the league during its prime. And now is not that prime.
Nowadays the league has its ups and downs, picking up new teams every so often then dropping down as people leave town or move on to more favourable activities (like the leagues above this), and it is currently well-entrenched in a down cycle. There are still a number of exceptional basketball players in town, but there seems to be little motivation to make improvements or expand (back in the day there were teams from Edmonton and Vancouver that would come up for the Arctic Shootout). The YKBA is content to keep rolling along with the status quo. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s good enough to at least make our list, but it’s also not very exciting.
Although, rumour has it that the Philippino Basketball All-stars are going to be joining the YKBA shortly (update: rumour confirmed). That likely would have moved basketball up out of the basement if we’d had this info a few weeks ago, unfortunately, the announcement was made after the algorithm had already worked its magic.
Truth be told, the algorithmic reason that Basketball finds itself way down here in a tie for last place on our list instead of being mired somewhere in the middle actually has little to do with mediocre attitude or average skills. In fact, Basketball finds itself pulling up the rear mainly due to one category of our analysis, the Jack*ss category. This category was included in the algorithm to capture those people that you just can’t bring yourself to find any enjoyment in playing any type of sport against. They ruin all hope of fun. The reason Basketball is last is the man who personifies this category, an “athlete” who has been banned from the soccer league, was suspended from the football league, and would likely be quickly kicked out of most of the other leagues on this list. Basketball, however, welcomes him with open arms.
Congratulations Mr. Bird, you’ve single-handedly made the biggest impact on these rankings of any one individual.
T-14. Golf
Down here at the bottom of the rankings alongside basketball is golf. The leagues that exist at the YK Golf Club are so clique-y that there was no way they would make it anywhere near the top 10 on this list. And I say this as someone who enjoys golfing, has recently become a director on the Golf Club Board of Directors, and is a member of the Mediocre Golf Association (i.e. one of the leagues we considered). Have you ever seen this brilliant image from the Simpsons:
I feel like that perfectly encapsulates a lot of the people who play in the Yellowknife Golf Leagues. The combined rating of the entitled crowd at the golf course is roughly equal to basketball’s Bird factor in the Jack*ss category and thus this tie at the bottom of our rankings.
However, it’s not all bad. The golf club does have a very dedicated membership and the “leagues” are no exception (I use the term “leagues” very loosely here as we’re considering Men’s night, Ladies’ night, the Mediocre Golf Association as leagues… and possibly “Friends” Night, although that inclusion may break the tie and drop golf in to last spot all by its lonesome). There are probably two to three hundred people that play with some degree of dedication in these leagues on a weekly basis. There’s even a strong contingent of players that travel to Vegas every year for the MGA Championship. Granted, they are traveling there more so for other factors like the social (Moose), party (Sheppy), or extra-curricular (Hewitt) activities that Vegas has to offer, but nevertheless, it’s impressive for any YK “athletes” to attend international championships year in and year out.
I do very much enjoy the summer days and evenings spent at the golf course, the patio there is wonderful place to enjoy a Caesar and weekend brunch. However, the grunginess of an all-sand course, the cost of membership and equipment, the loose definition of “leagues”, and the attitudes of some of these 10+ handicap players (equally bad or worse are the under 10 handicap players who actually think this makes them good golfers) has left golf at the bottom, looking up at every other league in town other than Birdsketball.
Joining the YKBA at the bottom of our rankings is the Yellowknife Golf Scene. These rankings included the “leagues” of Men’s night, Ladies night, and the Mediocre Golf Association (I agree with you, Doc; that the inclusion of “Friend’s Night” would have given us a different result). Here’s what our algorithm determined on golf: massive participation, great engagement, lots of tournaments, some very skilled golfers. On the contrary: expensive, conflicts with other YK summer events, beverage access is very hit or miss. Yes, Yellowknife has a sand course with turf greens. Living in the North comes with certain consequences, and unfortunately one of those consequences is that we don’t get to play on Bermuda bluegrass fairways with undulating greens. However, we get to golf nonetheless which can be seen as a positive. If you are unable to view this as a positive, spend 18 holes with Moose and Hughie and they will certainly change your mind. The golf “leagues” are considered top-notch only by those who make it their entire personality. One of the reasons for the low ranking is that while the golf leagues are social, they are also clique-y and categorized. You have your newfies, your medios, your country-clubbers, your cheaters, and your “this is the masters” groups. If you’re going to join one of the golf leagues, prepare yourself for defending your score when you do well, and criticizing the scores of those who do well when you do poorly. It’s like an unwritten rule. Three positives I will end my review of the golf leagues on are: the midnight tournament is second to none, the glow-ball tournament is an experience unlike any other, and Joe Auge is the best course marshal in the continental universe.
13. Ball Hockey
Not sure what to say about Ball Hockey so I defer to Dr. Rug on this…
First off, Nived, I must say that I completely agree with the final comment of your golf blurb, 100% accurate. Secondly, it is totally understandable that you don’t have much knowledge of the Ball Hockey scene. This is one of those sports leagues that’s fallen off the local sporting radar but back in the day, it was epic. It comes in very low on our overall list due in large part to the fact that it doesn’t actually exist anymore… but really, maybe that’s for the best.
As Red says in The Shawshank Redemption, “I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” To me, this is the YK Ball Hockey League (as well as the post-game shenanigans at the Gallery), there’s no way it could exist today in the same form as it did in its prime, so it’s for the best that all we have are the sweet memories.
But what sweet memories they are. Epic battles for supremacy on the YK Arena floor during the summer months. The rivalries from the ice hockey league would carry over to ball hockey in the summers. As chippy and rough as it may have gotten out on the concrete (and if your name was Matty Simms it got very chippy and rough), afterward everyone would enjoy some very lively post-game beverages together. And the year end parties? Those were unreal. We once had a live band performing in Tyson’s back yard while the team took turns doing keg stands to celebrate the season and our made-up team awards. Adult sporting at its finest.
And for the record, yes, I did just compare the YK Ball Hockey league to Andy Dufresne.
And for the record again, if the league is ever to make a return, I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams…
12. Tennis
Sadly, I don’t have much of an analysis for the Tennis league as I’m still revelling in my memories of the ball hockey league. When you combine that with the fact that the extent of my exposure to the Tennis league here in town is about 10 minutes of watching Damien and Borko play against Rob Johnson and his partner in a doubles tournament semi-final the result is… I’ve got nothing.
Bottom line, if that is the calibre of players that are making the finals in your tournaments (regardless of who won that semi), then you’re not scoring full points in the Quality category. Outside of that acknowledgement, I’ll leave the rest to you, Mr. Coustom, I’m sure you’ve got it covered.
Out of respect to the Tennis league members (whoever you are), please keep in mind that while the Doc and I are top-tier, world-class, barrier-breaking, star-studded, ten-out-of-ten athletes; there are only so many sports that we have time to involve ourselves in. This results in some of the leagues being ranked missing our sophisticated sports-presence, such as the tennis league. So, while I am unable to provide frontline feedback on this league, I will note that these rankings were based on the results our algorithm; and you cannot argue science. So, here’s what I will say. You know when you get just a mean hankerin’ for a slushie? Like it’s a hot July day, you’ve been out running some errands, maybe you walked your dogs or you’re a bit hungover and you can visualize that slushie machine at Wink’s in your mind. All the flavors lined up in those weird transparent vortexes just spinning around, giving you a preview of the tastiness to come. You drive to Wink’s, park your car (bonus points if some kids have their bikes rested up against the window), you walk in past the Monterey chicken taquitos and the ice-cold Jimmy Dean microwaveable breakfast sandwiches. You start salivating as you catch your first glimpse of the slushie machine- whatever your flavor preference is you can almost taste it at this point. But wait… what’s that? You are frozen as you approach the stand with the popcorn twists- it can’t be. No no no… it can’t be. Those dreaded, hand-written and taped on “out of order” signs plague the machine. “Maybe there’s hope” you think. “Maybe they still have Coca-Cola or Mountain Dew”. You approach the machine and take a big deep breath. Unfortunately, solace will have to be found another day. After triple, quadruple, quintuple checking the machine, the only flavors they have are “Fanta Creamy Banana” or “Diet Powerade”. One thought enters your mind- “F*ck sakes”, you say to yourself. “I was really looking forward to that”. You glance around the store at the ‘Big Texas Honey Buns’ with no expiry date, the inexplicable variety of energy drinks, and the $14 Double Stuf Oreos. Unfortunately, you know deep down you are committed to the slushie. You let out a depressing exhale, grab the biggest Thirstbuster cup, shrug your shoulders and go, “ehh, how bad can it be”; and load up on both flavors. Your need is satisfied, but all you can think about is what else is out there. That’s how I consider the Tennis league in these rankings.
11. Soccer
Before I get into my brief soccer synopsis, I need to comment on your tennis analogy. That was beautiful. Despite the -30 temperatures outside today, you took me away to a place where I found myself basking in a glorious summer day, craving a slushie. And then you absolutely annihilated every scrap of that craving. Tennis is very much the Fanta Banana Cream slushie of the sports league multiverse. Fantastic analogy Mr. Coustom.
Much like the tennis league in town, I have limited exposure to the soccer leagues in our good city. I was a part of an outdoor mixed team one summer some years back and I think I played a total of two games, scoring one goal. One goal every two games is a pretty good scoring pace for soccer, right?
I do know that Soccer scored average to below average across the board in our categories with no real stand-out areas. I guess there’s pretty solid participation levels and you can play year-round, but beyond that, what does it bring to the table? Where does soccer stand above the other leagues in town? Nowhere. It’s mediocrity across the board. I have nothing against soccer, in fact, I’m a two-time World Cup Golden Boot fantasy pool champion, so obviously, I know my soccer. And what I do know is this, it doesn’t have any of the positives that would vault it into the top 10 on our list.
The YKASL is one of the only rec leagues in town to operate year-round, as we included the indoor and outdoor leagues. However, soccer’s placement in the rankings is a perfect example of quality over quantity: a year-round league does not automatically mean a high placement in the rankings. Personally, I appreciate the accessibility of soccer in town being year-round. However, the algorithm did not seem to care. Similar to the basketball league, the soccer league possesses some serious talent in former (and future) college and university players. Also similar to basketball, the most skilled players are spread out over 2-4 teams resulting in a visible discrepancy in the standings. Don’t believe me? Check out the standings all the way back to 2018 here (seriously- look at some of the goal differentials amongst teams). ALSO similar to basketball, to some soccer players in town, winning is everything and it is well-known. I’m not sure if the theme is present here yet so I will point out that essentially, the soccer league is just a bigger version of the YKBA, sporting 10 teams as opposed to basketball’s 5. On a positive note, Yellowknife soccer players won’t have to worry about exploding their ACL’s anymore while playing, so at least that’s a plus. The torn knee ligaments and Achilles ligaments definitely factored into the algorithm (shoutout to advances in sports medicine!), so maybe soccer will wind up higher in a future ranking of the rec leagues. The main factor separating the YKASL from the YKBA is the absence of Bird, so they are already taking steps in the right direction. Onwards and upwards, YKASL!
10. Hockey
Landing just inside the top 10 in our rankings is the hockey league. For this review, we included the YK Rec League, YK Oldtimers League, YK Women’s League, and WIMPS. Without a doubt, hockey trumped every other league in the participation factor. Regardless of the level of play, it seems almost everyone has played or is currently playing in some sort of organized hockey. Perhaps that’s the Canadian in our blood, perhaps it’s because hockey just offers that vibe that is seemingly different than any other sport. There’s something about entering a dressing room to your team, lacing up the boots together, skating out on a freshly flooded sheet of ice, and going to battle on a Wednesday night at 10:45pm. Nothing like it! Hockey scored high in the participation, social (post-game beverages are more important than the game sometimes), and the X-Factor categories; and that was about it. The cost to play hockey is very inflated, mostly due to the steep price tag of ice time as well as the unfathomable cost of hockey gear. The schedule for hockey usually revolves around late-night ice times, as minor hockey takes precedence in the scheduling (as it should, frankly). The hockey league also sports many players who have played at a high level, including Junior A, Major Junior, Collegiate, and Minor-Pro. Yellowknife has an abundance of well-travelled hockey players which is definitely something worth recognizing. However, some of those players may forget they are no longer playing at that level, as the hockey leagues can get quite heated at times. It is worth a reminder that just because fighting in hockey is allowed(ish), that doesn’t mean you have to do it. The Rec League website is usually flourishing with suspensions throughout the year, and there was a story that the cops were called to an Old Timers game last season. To note, the Women’s League seems to avoid these issues. Maybe if we separated the Women’s League from the men, they would have ranked higher. Sorry to drag you down ladies, but unfortunately for the purposes of the rankings- hockey is hockey this time. I think if hockey had more tournaments throughout the year (hopefully we see a return of the Easter tournament soon; the Easter tournament beer gardens on its own would bring hockey up in the rankings), and less non-hockey issues, they would have climbed in the rankings.
I am one of the few who is not playing some sort of organized hockey. Perhaps that’s the American in my blood. However, not playing does not equate to not knowing. Of the YK Hockey scene I am very familiar. Hockey, unlike soccer, is not mediocre across the board. It’s full of very high highs and very low lows, hitting 10/10 in a couple of categories and following that up with some of the lowest scores on the board in others. This is very fitting given the expansive range of everything that hockey brings to the table. From A division to WIMPS to the Women’s league to Oldtimers, there are highs and lows across the range of leagues, just as there are highs and lows for hockey in our rankings. You’re a strong member of the hockey community and know the ins and outs better than I do so I’ll defer to your expertise on our hockey analysis, much as I deferred to your expertise for hockey’s algorithm inputs. But, I do have extensive experience with the beer gardens at hockey tournaments, in particular the Easter tourney, so please bear with me as I take us off on a random tangent…
Welcome to rabbit hole number 1 of our column!
We’re well on our way to exploring all that the YK Rec Sports Leagues have to offer, but since Mr. Coustom brought it up in his hockey analysis, I would remiss if I didn’t take some time to focus on one of the most important aspects of any sports league, the Beer Gardens. Obviously, a large number of the rec sporting leagues don’t have any beer gardens to comment on, however, of the leagues that do, let’s take a quick look at which are the best. It’s worth noting that this category is pretty tricky in trying to define the parameters, particularly when considering historical vs. current beer gardens for the various leagues, and unfortunately we have not refined all of the intricacies of the Beer Garden Algorithm. Just one example of the struggles that are faced when attempting to sort out the various beer gardens, prime Suds Cup and GAP slo-pitch tourneys were legendary. There was streaking, there was a dunk tank, there was a terrible rendition of the national anthem on the electric guitar, there were over-capacity karaoke parties, there were redneck hot tubs, there was the fastest socks in recorded history, there were motorhomes, and there were people sleeping in sleeping bags on top of their cars. Today though? Today the GAP tourney doesn’t even exist and the Suds Cup is not much more than a casual beer on a Saturday afternoon. How do we factor both sides of that equation into one all-encompassing algorithm? We’re working on it, but not quite there yet so these rankings aren’t quite as scientific and argument-proof as the main column.
With that said, in order to capture the best of the best, I’m taking an all-encompassing look at the beer gardens, the past, the present, and maybe even the future. Here we go with the top 5…
5. YK Football League
The YKFL needs to make the list if only for the tailgating experiences that existed before it even became an official league. Back in the day, when Hash’s athletic legacy was in its infancy and being played out on the frozen field of Range Lake School, this “league” had some fantastic beer gardens. There was tailgating in the parking lot before and after games that consisted of beers, BBQ, and classic 80s music. Players that had just spent the last few hours attempting to take off each other’s heads would come together for some ice-cold beverages and a great feed.
Does it get any better than chowing down on a Philly cheesesteak while crushing a cold Bud and listening to Rhino belt out “If I Could Turn Back Time”? I think not.
This pre-league championship even got a mention on the Sportsnet national broadcast once upon a time. When the league did formalize its structure and move indoors, the beer gardens calmed down significantly but there were still some good times to be had watching the action and tossing back a few cold ones on the fieldhouse bleachers.
4. YK Squash & Curling Leagues
I’m combining these two into one spot on our list for the simple reason of their built-in advantage of having in-house bars attached to their facilities. They don’t really have beer gardens so-to-speak, but any league that has a bar attached to their facility gets on this list in my books (shout-out to the Bowling Leagues in this category as well). Plus, on a national sports stage, nothing can compete with the Patch.
3. YK Fastball League
The fastball league beer gardens are fantastic. And they were even more so back when Burger Bob was slinging his namesake food and immersing himself into the festivities. However, they do seem to cater to a much more select crowd than the two leagues above them on my list. The players within the fastball league probably enjoy their own beer gardens more than any other league on our list, but the outside draw can’t match what we see elsewhere. That’s fine by me though, I appreciate the (relatively) knowledgeable crowds and the delicious cold beverages on a hot summer night.
2. YK Slopitch League
My intro pretty well covered it, the old-school Slopitch beer gardens were a sight to behold. The Back Bay Association may not have thought so, but everyone else that had a chance to spend some time in an inebriated state down at Fritz would certainly attest to the glory of these events. There were multiple weekends each summer that the Bot and I would park the trusty motorhome down at the field on a Friday afternoon and not venture back up Franklin hill until much too early on a Monday morning.
*** I have to go down a quick rabbit hole within the rabbit hole here and give a shout-out to the Hay River Fastball and Slopitch beer gardens as well. Many a good times have been had at those gardens (including some epic coin flips), and there is not a better beer gardens story in the world than the Operation Grand Slam story. That needs to be made into a Netflix documentary. Or better yet, the next “Long Story Short” video. Garrett, get on it. ***
1. YK Rec Hockey League
There is nothing more lively than a Saturday night in the Easter tournament beer gardens as Gjoa Haven takes on some half-drunk C League Yellowknife team. It’s the only beer gardens that would regularly get hundreds of people lining up, waiting to get in.
As I’m sure you know, the true measure of any beer gardens is the heckling. I have been known on occasion to heckle a dropped fly ball in the fastball beer gardens (hello Ray-Ray) or a drunken at-bat in a slo-pitch tourney (J-Rod, how’s the head?). But, the loudest, most sustained, most heart-felt heckles always take place in the hockey gardens. Whether it’s a non-stop “Muuuuuuuueeeeeelllllerrrrr” on repeat… a biting chirp at Broussard for being, well, Broussard… or some mocking disgust thrown Jaden’s way for finishing a disappointing 6th in that year’s Canadian Championship Dog Derby… the Hockey beer gardens never fail to bring out the best.
Drunk.
Rowdy.
Chaotic.
These beer gardens are the Gold Range of the Yellowknife beer garden scene. They deserve a #1 ranking.
Ok, back to our regularly scheduled article, where were we… oh yes, moving on to the next league on our list, Mr. Coustom if you will?
9. Broomball
Other than mentioning Broomball is MUCH harder than it looks, I’m not fully sure what to say about Broomball so again I will defer to you, Dr. Rug…
Ah yes, Broomball, another sport that has seemingly gone the way of the dodo in recent years. While the league may be on the endangered species list, I don’t believe that it is extinct quite yet. And for many years in its prime, the broomball scene in Yellowknife was one of the best in the entire country. The Ravens and Rebels have won medals at multiple National and Western Canadian championships as well as tournaments on the international stage. The legendary Lynn Fowler is in the Canadian Broomball Hall of Fame. And, of course, Mr. Kevin Hewitt spent a solid decade lighting up the mixed league scoreboards like Wayne Gretzky in his prime.
You may think I’m joking with that last line but I’m not. In the 10-year span from 2006 to 2016 the Hewbot won 9 scoring titles (missing out on 10 out of 10 due to an injury-plagued 2012/13). He scored 59% more goals than the second place goal scorer in league history and has 35% more points than number 2. While the Great One is inevitably going to get passed by Ovechkin, no one has ever approached the Bot. His peak was in the 2008/09 season when he notched an absurd 54 goals in a mere 26 games… and you thought Gretzky’s 50 goals in 39 games was untouchable.
Unfortunately for the Bot, injuries and late nights at the Dorset quickly caught up to him and he had to retire much too soon. Broomball in Yellowknife has slowly tailed off since those glory days and is now just a shadow of what it once was. The history has allowed it to break into our top 10, but the league would need to rekindle some of that old magic if it ever hopes of getting closer to the top.
8. Ultimate
Did you know that there are three seasons worth of ultimate leagues in this town? There’s a league in the summer, one in the fall and one in the winter. You have to admire the year-round commitment of these athletes. The quality… well… every single one of the leagues says, “This league is targeted towards recreational players. No experience is required, everyone is welcome.”
This ranking may be in large part due to our complete lack of knowledge about the league, but if your league is that unknown to two very knowledgeable individuals like ourselves, there’s likely a reason for that. Welcome to the middle of the rankings Ultimate, that’s what happens when we really know nothing about you.
Back to what we referenced with tennis, ultimate is another sport that the Doc and I simply have not had time for (mostly because the Fastball league has us on appearance contracts for the summers- gotta go where the money is). Ultimate was one league that scored decently in every category, except for participation (the leagues seem small in numbers, but it was based off what we could find online. If this is untrue, we do apologize Ultimate-rs), and X-Factor moments- I feel that only those who play ultimate can understand how “hype” certain situations are. I don’t have many negative things to say about Ultimate, I have played it before and it was enjoyable and there was a TON of camaraderie. Ultimate, like soccer; also operates year-round with using the outdoor fields and fieldhouse. If you’re looking for a league to join where you can break a sweat, talk about burr grinders, different IPAs, and listen to Vampire Weekend afterwards, ultimate is for you.
Well, I do enjoy a good Vampire Weekend song. Unbelievers? Harmony Hall? Capricorn? A-Punk? I can get my groove on to some VW. Maybe Ultimate is for me after all?
I digress. Continuing on…
7. Squash
Much as you deferred to me on ball hockey and broomball scenes, I’m going to have to defer to your expertise here on Squash, Nived. My squash career peaked about 2 decades ago when I took home an iPod Nano for winning the D Division at the year end tournament. I haven’t been back since (go out on top, am I right?).
Please, take the reins and educate our readers on the YK Squash leagues.
The squash league introduces us to the top-half of our rankings. Squash is one of 3 sports on this list to score a perfect 10 on the social scale, and for good reason. If you don’t believe me, head to the Racquet Club on a Thursday night during the week, or Saturday of a tournament. There is a good energy in the building, a lot of camaraderie as players will grab a cold beverage and watch the match after them- often times with the person who was just their opponent. Squash is all about the “good vibes”, and offers variation with the box leagues, thirsty Thursday, and many different tournaments throughout the year. Club Pro Jeff Hipfner works hard to make the game accessible to all people and he succeeds in this (at the time of writing, the Racquet Club had just concluded their all-womens tournament). The quality is also there, as the YKRC has also produced some quality junior players that went on to the next level- Pooja Chugh playing for the University of Toronto OUA team; Devin Hinchey playing for the Western University NCAA team and the junior national team; Devin Madsen finishing top 5 in the Men’s A National Championships; and Chad Hinchey, Devin Hinchey, Steven Nesbitt, and Travis Kamitomo taking first place in the Canadian National Junior Team Championships back in 2010. The only main categories that drove squash down in the rankings were the cost (similar to golf, a membership is required for ‘unlimited’ club access, and non-members are charged more for things like tournaments), and X-Factor moments. I’ve spent my fair share of time on a squash court, and let me tell you there were few moments I felt the jubilation I would in hockey, fastball, or volleyball moments. Squash demands a lot of athleticism, and I respect that. The best squash players in the world are in my mind, in the discussion for “in the best shape” in the world amongst pro athletes. Unfortunately, it can be monotonous to watch the game at times. To better explain, watch this versus this versus this, and tell me what makes the hair on your arm stand up higher.
I watched as much as I could of that squash rally and looked down at the timer to see that I was only 1 minute into a 3 minute video. I get your point (on both he “wow” moments and the athleticism required). One question I do have after reading your Squash synopsis, does the Saturday night camaraderie still apply when DJ Cynergii is playing the post-game party?
Astonishingly, yes, it does. DJ Cynergii brings out his best for the squash crew, whipping out tracks like Don’t Stop Believin’, Cadillac Ranch, and Man, I Feel Like a Woman, with impeccable timing.
6. Slo-pitch
I’ve written and re-written my intro for slo-pitch 7 to 8 times. I’m not even sure where to start here. Participation? Through the roof. Cost? Low. Social? 100%; ask anyone in Yellowknife if slo-pitch is social (bonus points for the suds cup beer gardens with the dunk tank- and the presence of Logan Andrew in said dunk tank). Slo-pitch even possess some great X-Factor moments, watching two inebriated outfielders sprint toward a fly ball presents a build up like no other. With every outcome giving a reaction- one of them catches it, or one of them drops it, or they run into each other. OR! Or, they run into each other, AND one of them catches it. Slo-pitch’s unpredictability is unparalleled, which makes it extremely enjoyable. The games are aplenty, the tournaments (used to be) aplenty, and overall it is mostly fun to play with friends while enjoying some crispy cold ones. While there are many good things to say about slo-pitch, unfortunately there is a better version of a “bat-and-ball” game in these rankings.
As you apparently did as well, I struggled with my write-up for slopitch. I played in the league for years, was on the executive for a period of time, and enjoyed more beers in the Fritz gardens than is healthy for any one person, but, it has never seemed like a true sport to me. To me, slopitch is a social endeavour and nothing more. Any baseball type game where you can easily bat over .500 swinging at every single pitch (and trust me, I swung at every single pitch) is not a challenging game, it’s a gathering of friends designed to enjoy the sun and suds of a YK summer.
The algorithm had a little more respect for slopitch than I did, and I can see how it did well in a lot of the categories. It comes in on our list just outside the top 5 and I have no qualms with this ranking. But at the end of the day, I’m glad it didn’t crack our top 5.
5. Curling
Similar to broomball, our curlers have often performed pretty well on the national stage so we must be doing something right with our curling leagues (i.e. lots of Quality points for curling). Granted, a lot of that national performance can be tied back to the Koe family, but nonetheless, our curling prowess on a national scale is something we can be proud of.
At the local level, there appears to be a little something for everyone on the curling scene. It’s a very inclusive sport and is welcoming of players of all age, skill, and fashion levels. Case in point:
Curling appears to me as a very stable league in town. I have talked to many people who have participated in the curling league and no one seems unhappy with their experience. Another league that possesses a bar inside the venue like squash, and also one of our 3 sports that scored perfectly in the “social” category. Curling is a great way to try something new with your friends, probably laugh at your buddy absolutely eating it trying to walk on the ice (my asscheeks are still bruised from the first time I tried curling, I’ll admit it), and enjoy an atmosphere you maybe haven’t experienced before. On top of an enjoyable league, Yellowknife has produced some very seriously skilled curlers, which gave them a couple jumps in the rankings as it showed you can also take it on as a competitive rec sport as well. However, personally; I doubt I’ll have more fun at the curling club than the time the Fastball League hosted our Wood Bat Tournament draft there.
With that, let’s take a second break from these rankings for a quick trip down a rabbit hole. At this point, we have covered 3 ‘winter’ sports in basketball, hockey, and broomball; 4 ‘summer’ sports in golf, ball hockey, tennis, and slo-pitch; and 3 ‘year-round’ sports in soccer, ultimate, and squash. These rankings birthed a question in my mind- if I was moderately capable in regards to skill for all the sports in the rankings, and I had to pick 3 of them to create the most optimal “Yellowknife Sports Year”; which 3 would I pick, and why? Or better yet, if someone moved up to YK and was a modern day rec league ‘Bo Jackson’ of sorts, what league would I tell them to join for the best Yellowknife rec league experience? To make it interesting, I’ll include a sport from each season: year-round, winter, and summer. Keep in mind, this is my opinion. Not to be misconstrued with the rankings, which are scientific and cannot be argued. Feel free to argue my opinion all you want- I will feel free to ignore it.
Year-round: Ultimate- I’m going with ultimate as my year-round sport for a few reasons. For one, ultimate is affordable- all you need is a good pair of shoes and some athletic attire. Also, contrary to the incestual pool of YK rec athletes who all play everything, it’s likely that ultimate would provide you with a different crew than other sports.
Winter: Volleyball- I would take volleyball as my winter sport mostly due to what you get from a scheduling standpoint. Weekly games from October-April, 3 co-ed tournaments, a few Men’s/Women’s tournaments as well if you’re lucky. The Yellowknife Volleyball Association is a very solid league; it’s a great mix of sociality, competitiveness, and enjoyability.
Summer: Fastball: Did you expect anything else here? This is an article on the Yellowknife Fastball League website. Even if this article was on another website, Fastball is hard to top. Low cost, 3 tournaments in 3 months (with tournaments held in the effervescent Hay River as well), weekly games, great people. Obvious choice here for any YK Rec Athlete.
One thing to note here is while I compiled this, I tried to think of sports that were very different, and offered different groups of people. There are a lot of people who play multiple sports, but an ultimate/volleyball/fastball combo would provide a nice variety of social-ness, if I may. I also tried to pick sports that were very different from each other from a fundamental standpoint. In all seriousness, feel free to let me know if you think a different combination would be better (Vette- not you though. You only play fastball now so you’re disqualified from giving feedback).
Back to the rankings!
Before we jump back to the rankings, please allow me the opportunity to follow you down this rabbit hole. I like where you’re going with this and it really presents a challenge. I spent a lot of time trying to decide what my 3 would be. In the end, this is what I landed on. Note that I went a little bit of a different direction here and made my choices based on my own personal factors, not which 3 would be the best for a modern-day Yellowknife Rec Sports Bo Jackson.
Year-round: Squash – Your Vampire Weekend argument from the rankings almost brought me over to the Ultimate side but ultimately (terrible pun intended) my decision came down to one factor. The Squash Club has a hot tub in it. At this point in my life, I need a hot tub. Particularly if I’m playing any sport year-round.
Winter: Hockey – Again, a very difficult decision here. My deciding factor ended up being a little bit of FOMO. As you said in our main column, everybody plays in a hockey league. Well, I don’t. I feel like I may be missing out on some sort of quintessential Canadian experience.
Summer: Fastball – The decision here? Not nearly as tough as the first two categories. For all the reasons you mention and more, Fastball is always the right answer for a summer sport.
Okay, thanks for letting me jump in. Now you can get back to the rankings.
Back to the rankings!
4. Football (& Rugby)
After Yellowknife legend Hash Manickum left town, his baby, the YK Arena Football League quickly fell apart. I have to give Hash plenty of props though, back in the day when the football “league” was a ragtag group of misfits playing out in the snow of Range Lake field (refer to the beer gardens rabbit hole for more info), he recognized that he was pretty much Yellowknife’s equivalent of Peyton Manning when it came to QB-ing in cold weather. With this in mind, Hash went out and almost single-handedly started an Arena league. It was a fantastic move and it led to a league that, despite its short lifespan, was everything that you’re looking for out of a rec sports league. There was good competition, rivalries, camaraderie, action, and celebrations. This was the epitome of Yellowknife rec sports and is the reason why it’s solidly entrenched in our top 5.
Oh, and as Nived will likely kindly point out, apparently there’s a bunch of dudes out there that get together occasionally to play rugby. They claim to be somewhat skilled in the sport and competitive at southern tournaments.
Good for them.
Gold star.
Since rugby is essentially the unwanted step-child version of football, we’ve combined these two into one for the sake of our list and allowed rugby to ride the football coattails into the top 5.
Let’s move on.
Welcome to the top 4 of our rankings, folks! What better league to kick things off than the Yellowknife Rugby League, AKA Yellowknife Exiles Rugby, AKA Yellowknife Exiles RFC, AKA Bryan and Cordel putting those f*ckin barrel chests to their intended use. The Doc and I don’t have the dental plans, nor the knee ligament longevity (shout out to YK’s top-tier physio’s, chiro’s, and ortho’s) to participate in this league. However if we did, I’d like to think we would look something like this (I’ll leave it up to you to decide who’s who). Look, I know as much about rugby as I know about advanced calculus- which is next to nothing. But what I do know is that guys who play rugby, whether its touch or tackle; are some tough dudes. Rugby requires quick footwork, soft hands, a lot of endurance, and a ton of strength. Sure, maybe our Yellowknife Rugby stars aren’t the cream of the crop when it comes to those attributes. But do I want to go find that out for sure? Hell no. I’m fine sitting here with a plate of nachos and my thoughts. What I do know is that that crew has a great time, their league cost is low, they travel to tournaments, and they likely enjoy copious amounts of cold beverages afterwards. I know a few of the rugby players personally and they are great people to be around. Being a one-team “league” and finishing fourth in the rankings; they create a social environment that is hard to rival.
3. Volleyball
When the algorithm was created to rank the leagues, I was pretty certain volleyball would end up in the top 3, and here we are. The Yellowknife Volleyball Association is an excellent organization for various reasons. For one, the participation is immense. The league currently boasts 5 divisions, with a total of 39 teams. The schedule is excellent, each division plays a double header on the same night, every week, from October to April. The league fees are extremely affordable, and the league runs 3 co-ed tournaments per season. Mix that in with 2-3 Men’s & Women’s tournaments throughout the year, and all the volleyball fiends definitely get their fix. The league is also extremely social and has a lot of camaraderie- players will sub in for other teams at a moments notice and the vibes on the court stay high. Teams also stick around during tournaments to watch their peers slog through their 7th/8th/9th game of the weekend, with their sweat-soaked shoes at the ready in case of an injury. There’s also something nostalgic about playing a late-morning game, walking to subway to grab some fuel, and heading back to the gym for an afternoon double header (reeking of sweet onion teriyaki and sun chips), then trotting over to BPs for some cactus cuts and beverages while you wait to find out if you made it to playoff Sunday. The YKVA has a great volunteer base and seems to recruit more hands every year- Terrell, the Clarkes, and that god-send Charlie Kudlak to name a few. I have nothing but good things to say about the volleyball league in all honesty- maybe the Doc can humble some volleyballers out there but it’s hard to humble the most wholesome league in the city, in my opinion.
Volleyball and Slopitch both being in the top 6 in our rankings are doing a good job of making the case for quantity over quality. That’s not to say that there aren’t some very talented volleyball players in YK, but when I think YK Volleyball league my thoughts drift to BFTA battling it out in a D division (E division?) final at 9:00 am on a random Sunday in mid-February. The quality of this envisioned game is far from top-notch, but the camaraderie, sportsmanship, and enjoyment is off the charts. You hit the nail on the head in calling this the most wholesome league in the city. As for humbling them, is it humbling for the volleyballers in town to know that their league is essentially the elementary school participation ribbon of Yellowknife sports, because it should be.
2. Rruff Diamonds Dog Agility Club
Disclaimer: If you’re gonna waltz in here and try and give us sh*t for ranking the dog agility club, I’m going to conduct a citizens arrest by way of a five star frog splash, 6 Ric Flair chops to the chest, and a crippler cross face (for our non-wrestling fans, that’s this, this, then this). Don’t disrespect the dogs homies, it ain’t worth it. Also, the Doc and I spent 4 months writing this article. If we want to rank the dog agility club, we’re gonna rank the dog agility club. The dogs deserve a spot in our rankings- they work hard. So does Gay Kennedy in making sure the dogs have a place to hone in on their skills. Gay and the Rruff Diamonds crew have done a lot of work to their dojo (I’m not sure what the proper term is for a dog agility… park?) and have it outfitted with more impressive obstacles year after year. Which can only mean that the dogs are getting faster, more agile, have unfathomable fast-twitch muscle response systems; and I can only imagine they have a great time doing it. Did the dogs get bonus points because they are located behind Tommy Forrest Ball Park? Yes, yes they did. Keep doing you, doggos.
Who doesn’t love dogs? Especially cute, well-trained, fast, agile dogs? This group may be pretty small relative to the others on the list but they are mighty. My concern with this ranking isn’t that some senseless idiots are going to waltz in here and try to give us sh*t for ranking the dog agility club. No, my concern is the dogs of the agility club may take offense to not being in first place on the list and I will have lost a few dozen potential new best doggo friends!! For that reason alone I almost want to kick them up a notch and make them at least a co-number 1. But alas, there’s no room for personal feelings (or dog friendships) when it comes to the algorithm. And truthfully, the algorithm already had a lot of respect for the Rruff Diamond “league”. They did exceptionally well in quality, participation, social, and particularly the lack of a Jack*ss penalty. This group of dedicated dog lovers started small but has grown to be a well-known force on the Yellowknife sporting scene. They embody all the qualities that you’re looking for out of a sports league, and I’m proud that the algorithm didn’t discriminate against our canine friends and gave them a well-deserved, top 2 ranking on our list.
With that said, let’s dispatch any suspense and get right into the top dog.
Unsurprisingly…
1. Yellowknife Fastball League
Was it even a question? Welcome to the number one rec sports league in town folks – the Yellowknife Fastball League. The fastball league may not possess the same numbers in quantity as leagues like golf, slo-pitch, and volleyball; but the quality in those numbers is unequalled. Also, fastball in Yellowknife goes back to the 1960’s, so it’s hard to argue the longevity it possesses in the rec sports world. The quality participation, the quality venue, and the quality vibes contribute to fastball taking the top spot in our rankings. The Yellowknife Fastball League scored perfect marks in the categories of quality, social, and X-Factor moments, with high marks in affordability and engagement. All of the zeroes and ones aside; from a personal standpoint: I have participated in the hockey, golf, basketball, volleyball, soccer, and squash leagues (with a couple appearances in broomball and ultimate many moons ago), and the Yellowknife Fastball League is by far my favourite. That’s not to say because of the people who play in other leagues, as we’ve mentioned that there are many multi-sport athletes in town. There is something about the YK Fastball League that is hard to explain. It just feels like home sometimes. Maybe that’s due to all the history at the park: from the early days when community members used to line the fences for a fish fry during games (a real story from my grandfather), to the days of prime Paul G and Andy T, to the days of the Merchants taking podium finishes in national championships, that time when the King and His Court came to town and gave us a Harlem Globetrotter-esque performance, the HBC/Slades divorce, the storied franchise of the Sub-Arctic Surveyors (that team needs a Netflix “Untold” documentary); to more recent times where minor ball has been revived, the field has grass and structural improvements, the Merchants were resurrected, and the companionship and competitiveness is at an all-time high. The Fastball League gives an experience like no other league in town and we are lucky to have it at a place where it is. I will say that we did lose marks with the Vette’s presence in the league, but luckily the other 75 of you offset him enough to a point where we could take top spot. Pat yourselves on the backs fellas, well done.
No, Mr. Coustom, it never really was a question as to which league would finish atop the ranks. I say that not from a biased, we’re-writing-this-article-on-the-fastball-website perspective, but instead from a the-algorithm-never-lies perspective. Because let’s be honest here, even two infallible gentlemen such as ourselves can have some slight unconscious biases. We may be prone to giving more props than are due to the league we enjoy the most. However, the algorithm has no such personal opinions, the numbers do not lie, and the facts are the facts. They are undisputed.
For the non-believers out there, a quick review of said facts.
Participation? Check.
The league has a solid core of teams and welcomes new players each year.
Engagement? Check.
Does any other local rec league in the city (world?) have 20+ page articles regularly posted to their website in the middle of the offseason? Doubtful.
Quality? Check.
The Merchants are your reigning Alberta provincial champions.
Social atmosphere? Check.
I know they finished 3rd on my earlier beer gardens rankings, but pound-for-pound the fastball beer gardens might be the best. They are small but mighty. And they are a true reflection of the unmatched quality social scene of the fastball league.
Also, #VoteMitch.
X-factor moments? Check.
Borko robbing a home run by flipping into the beer gardens… Backpack hitting a walk-off home run and nonchalantly trotting around the bases as the rest of the Rockies collectively lose their minds… Steve striking out his 5th batter of the inning to get out of a bases loaded jam and preserve the victory… these are the chill-inducing moments that the fastball league consistently produces.
Conflicts? Check-ish.
It’s the summer in YK so obviously there are a few conflicts. There are only so many weekends and so much to do that it’s impossible to fit it all in. However, the fastball league has historically done a good job of moving tournaments around to accommodate their members (i.e. switching away from Folk weekend, moving the year end tourney around, etc.).
And the jack*ss penalty? Check minus the Vette.
As you can see, the league has no categories in which they are weak and they are at or near the top in most of them. The cherry on the ice cream is that these are just current rankings, we haven’t even factored in the rich history of fastball in Yellowknife that you have touched on (that might have to be another article).
Well, there you have it. Number 1 might not have been a surprise to anyone out there, but I’m willing to bet that none of you got the entire top 5 correct… or even the top 2. The numbers do not lie, but they can certainly surprise. With that in mind, and since I’m not yet ready to wrap up this article. Nived, what were your biggest surprises in our rankings? Which leagues finished higher or lower than you were expecting?
You know, I do have a few surprises with these rankings.
No disrespect to these sports, but at face value I would’ve expected leagues like ultimate, broomball, and curling to be lower in our rankings. I say this from a place of ignorance, simply because I do not know enough about the leagues from a “player” perspective to properly understand the experience they provide. I was pleasantly surprised to find how ultimate operates regarding its indoor/outdoor experience, the social ranking curling scored was a humbling reminder that resulted in me kicking myself a bit (mostly because every event I’ve attended at the curling club has been an excellent time, and featured a patented Dr Rug custom suit), and broomball is almost a more tight-knit version of the hockey community. All of these leagues are unique in their own right and corrected my assumptions with their rankings.
On the flip side, I expected leagues like hockey, golf, and basketball to be ranked higher. Hockey simply because it seems like such a main staple in the community, golf almost for the same reason (so many goddamn people play golf here, it’s almost incomprehensible), and basketball due to the great schedule and low cost. However, the algorithm did reveal that each of these leagues have their weaknesses and exploits, and the algorithm does not lie. I feel like if there was a “Rec League Working Group”, the algorithm results could be used to address and improve some of the areas where these leagues scored low.
I will also say, I was shocked that soccer was not ranked last. Simply due to the ACL’s, MCL’s, LCL’s, and Achilles Tendons the Fieldhouse has claimed. Legitimately, the only reason.
Let me throw an article-ending-avoidance question back your way Mr. Doctor: which league possesses the most intriguing enigma? Is it Andrew Hunter in hockey? Craig Taggart in soccer (who had a team named after him)? Al Cardinal in fastball? The kid who yells ‘money gang’ every time he shoots a 3 in basketball (and subsequently air balls it)? Kevin Hewitt in broomball? One of the dogs from Rruff Diamonds Dog Agility Club? Perhaps another article is needed, eventually, answering this question.
For me, without a doubt the biggest surprise was the pooches coming in just behind the fastball league in the number 2 slot. Not to downplay the dogs, but when we decided to include them in our rankings, I thought I was being generous when I expected them to finish up middle of the pack. I truly underestimated the quality that they bring across the board. Do you think if we included the Canadian Championship Dog Derby along with the Rruff Diamonds that this would vault the pups into first overall?
I also agree with your thoughts on the surprises, finding hockey way down at number 10 on our list was a big surprise for me as well. Given the love of hockey throughout our community this was initially very surprising. After taking a closer look at the actual inputs, the idiocy often displayed on the ice, and some of the hockey politics that exist, it’s no longer surprising at all to me that it finished where it did, but on first glance it caught my eye.
Speaking of the hockey politics, someone (us?) should do an in-depth examination into the politics that exist in sports leagues throughout our town. If we really want to kick up a shitstorm we could look into the politics that exist in the kids sports leagues in town. That would be a fun rabbit hole. As mentioned up at the beginning, I don’t have any kids, but I’ve heard a lot of stories. Between the apparent life-time contracts for kids’ soccer teams in the summer, the behind-the-scenes dealings of the dev. hockey teams in the winter, and the parental pressures in all sports in every season, this could be quite the exposé. Heck, you basically have to have an insider connection to even get your child registered for swimming lessons in this town (although I’m sure the new pool will address this problem). From everyone that I’ve talked to that has kids in any sport in this town, the underground politics, scheming, and B.S. that goes on is ridiculous. I’m sure we’re not unique in this, but I think it would be fascinating to take a closer look at. Are you ready for some investigative reporting Mr. Coustom?
My apologies, I’m getting off track on another tangent.
Back to your question, which league possesses the most intriguing enigma? This is a great question and may deserve a column all of its own. You list some excellent contenders in your examples, however, I think that if I had to choose one league, I would go with Slo-pitch. For starters, the majority of people you listed are also prominent in the slo-pitch beer gardens so they’re starting with a strong base. But with slo-pitch, it’s not just individual enigmas, it’s an overall enigmatic aura that each slo-pitch tournament brings out. You never know what you’re going to get or where it’s going to come from. It could be a drunk Andrew Hunter in right field, a Logan Andrew dunk tank appearance, or Kelley Merilees “falling” into the kiddie pool. Each and every slo-pitch tourney is going to provide something wild and crazy that you’ve never seen before, and you have no idea going in what it’s going to be. I do think it would be interesting to take a deeper dive into the biggest enigmas from each league though, there is more than enough material here for a full article (how many follow-up columns is that now?).
But that’s for another time. Right now, Mr. Coustom, it’s time for us to put a bow on this article and wrap it up. We’ve provided the good folk of YK with a lot of insight, a few giggles, and plenty of fodder for Christmas party debates. I hope you’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent diving deep into the YK sport scene, I know I have. And even more importantly, we’ve almost made it to the solstice. The days will soon be getting longer and before we know it, the best day of the year will be here… YK Fastball Opening Day.
Any last thought, comments, or parting words before we fire this off to our editor?
I do agree with your synopsis that diving into the politics surrounding our sports leagues would certainly kick up a shitstorm. Perhaps we take on an “undercover boss” type of approach, where one of us signs up as a minor sports participant and the other assumes the role of the parent. You may be saying, “Oh My GoD nIvEd, YoU jUsT bLeW yOuR cOvEr” Yes, I recognize that. This is also the point of satire (give me a break). There are absolutely some stories to be uncovered I’m sure of, perhaps this is a piece for when we have moved on to the Pat McAfee portion of our careers and our playing days are behind us. Also I just want to say, for whatever reason if this did happen, we need to get Lester Holt to narrate that article in the form of an audiobook/podcast. I feel like it would lend much more suspense to the situation.
I do appreciate your slo-pitch analysis on its enigmatic aura, and I would have to agree with you. The first thing I thought of after your analysis was Sheppy and TJ attempting kick flips in the beer garden, while Jon Joyce was trying to walk around them with an armful of burgers attempting to get back to his grill. Unpredictably entertaining, is how I would describe it.
To conclude my contributions to this article, I just want to say how enjoyable this has been. While this article is longer than I expected, it has been very entertaining to deep dive our rec sports leagues with you. Also, it is worth noting how lucky we are to have so many different sports at our disposal.
On that note, I want to give praise to all of the people who volunteer for these leagues- creating schedules, attending board meetings, collecting team fees, organizing tournaments- it is often thankless work but it is vital to creating the environment for all of us has-beens to feel like we still have a shot of making it. You guys give us our Friday Night Lights, and on behalf of all of Yellowknife’s rec athletes: thank you for what you do.
Here’s to 2025!
Thank you Nived, for this inspired idea and for your contribution to this masterpiece. It has been quite the journey; at times I wasn’t sure we’d even make it to the end but here we are. I second the thanks to all the individuals out there that contribute to the well-being of the many leagues we have available to us.
Happy holidays to everyone, and to all the leagues other than YK Fastball, do better in 2025.
Cheers,
Dr. Rug & Nived Coustom
Yellowknife Fastball League 